I had mixed feelings as I was reading the blogs of other mommy wannabes…specifically those who lost their babies along the way, either through miscarriage, unintentional abortion or induced delivery. I asked myself if I would have wanted to trade places. At times, I wanted to. I envy them because they got pregnant! My thinking is, they’re not infertile at all. While me, I’ve never been pregnant my whole life and I don’t even know the feeling. I want to know how it feels to be pregnant. But one thing I’m sure of, knowing that my infertility could not be explained sucks the most.
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mkwewer said
It’s hard to know what to say to this because I understand your mixed feelings. I hurt for you because like you said, I did get pregnant and I vividly remember what it’s like to be pregnant and the joy I felt every second of every day they were living in me. And then there is that horrible pain of losing them. Horrible pain that I cannot describe to you and I hope you never know. Would I trade that pain for not having been pregnant with the boys? No. I would go through it all again even knowing the outcome? Absolutely. I think it’s natural for you, given your situation, to feel like getting pregnant is the hard part – because for you, it is. For some of us the struggle is staying pregnant or having a living, breathing baby. I think it’s natural for you to look around and feel the way that you do. But I wouldn’t want you to trade places with me or anyone else. Instead, my wish for you is to be pregnant and not feel this pain.
honeywine said
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have had those thoughts myself, and more than once.
Maricel said
Thank you for the good thoughts. I’m kinda weepy today. I cried after reading your comments. I know it’s not the AF talking. Or maybe it is.
expectingamiracle said
There were days when the emotional pain of miscarriage was so bad that I wished for a brief time that I had never been pregnant. But those thoughts passed and I do believe you are right that it is worse to not have experienced it at all. I would not take it back (those joyful moments) even if it meant I did not have to have the pain of loss.
It really hit home when it took us a long time to get pregnant with 2nd baby. The feeling of having it not happen over and over is so disheartening.
I really do hope it happens for you soon. (hugs)