Archive for September, 2008

Out of the Game

I’m out of the game…again. Since my family is home for a vacation, I get to spend most of the time in the province (where they stay). So many things to do with so little time. Every minute counts and I’m overly stressed. No baby dancing for me and dear partner (DP) either (he’s not on leave). My fertile days had passed and when I finally saw DP last night, we had an argument. Worst, he called on his whole family to the rescue-he called his mother and his older brother; his younger sister called me on my cellphone while his older sister went to our house to fetch DP. This is the bad side of having a close-knit family. Even if it’s DP’s fault, they would definitely take sides, not mine of course. My feeling is like DP is the woman and I’m the man of the house. Hello?! I’m the woman here, for God’s sake. But I face our problem without calling my family. I don’t know where he spent the night. But one thing I’m sure of, he’s drunk right now. That’s how he faces his problem, by drowning himself in alcohol. Surprisingly, his sperm count is not affected at all. The 2 times he had sperm analysis, everything was normal. Though there were defective sperms, the motility and count was good and I was injected with the best sperm in the last IUIs. This I was assured by my doctor.  This morning, his mother called a few times but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. Good thing we have caller ID. I knew it was her calling. Ahh…wish me luck.


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Conception & Marriage

What the f**k is the relationship between conception and marriage? I ask this because of the comment below:

Vidkun Quisling |

It’s probably because you are NOT married!

From I Want to be a Mom, 2008/09/06 at 7:28 PM

Damn! This is one comment from an unknown blogger which I got just now. So s/he really thought the reason I couldn’t conceive was because I’m not married? How insensitive and shallow of this creature.

Just so you know, marriage isn’t far from my mind. I’m already 36, for God’s sake! In fact, dear partner and I would’ve been married last August 8 if it weren’t for my older brother’s request. He wanted to get married this year, the reason why he and the rest of my family are coming home from LA and Montreal this month.  You see, we have this superstitious belief about a wedding curse. Two siblings should not get married within the same year or else, both will suffer horrible things. I don’t know how it started but it has been the belief of the oldies. Thinking that I have nothing to lose by conforming, I yield in. But not without some resistance mind you. It got to the point that my brother and I had a heated exchange over the phone because I refused not to get married this year.

If marriage is really the answer to my getting pregnant, then why are there married couples who have a hard time conceiving? No offense to my fellow TTCers. But you get my point? Oh! I’m just so pissed off. F**k this creature!

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Trading Places

I had mixed feelings as I was reading the blogs of other mommy wannabes…specifically those who lost their babies along the way, either through miscarriage, unintentional abortion or induced delivery.  I asked myself if I would have wanted to trade places. At times, I wanted to. I envy them because they got pregnant! My thinking is, they’re not infertile at all. While me, I’ve never been pregnant my whole life and I don’t even know the feeling. I want to know how it feels to be pregnant. But one thing I’m sure of, knowing that my infertility could not be explained sucks the most.

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Here Comes AF

She did arrive, last night. 2 days later. I was expecting her on the 31st of August but she didn’t show up. Oh yes, I still hoped I could be pregnant but I know I’m not. Dear partner joked about it too. “You might be pregnant!” Yeah right. When I was still taking Clomid, AF usually arrives on CD 28. Without Clomid, CD 30. Funny how Clomid affects our cycle.

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