Trading Places

I had mixed feelings as I was reading the blogs of other mommy wannabes…specifically those who lost their babies along the way, either through miscarriage, unintentional abortion or induced delivery.  I asked myself if I would have wanted to trade places. At times, I wanted to. I envy them because they got pregnant! My thinking is, they’re not infertile at all. While me, I’ve never been pregnant my whole life and I don’t even know the feeling. I want to know how it feels to be pregnant. But one thing I’m sure of, knowing that my infertility could not be explained sucks the most.



  1. mkwewer said

    It’s hard to know what to say to this because I understand your mixed feelings. I hurt for you because like you said, I did get pregnant and I vividly remember what it’s like to be pregnant and the joy I felt every second of every day they were living in me. And then there is that horrible pain of losing them. Horrible pain that I cannot describe to you and I hope you never know. Would I trade that pain for not having been pregnant with the boys? No. I would go through it all again even knowing the outcome? Absolutely. I think it’s natural for you, given your situation, to feel like getting pregnant is the hard part – because for you, it is. For some of us the struggle is staying pregnant or having a living, breathing baby. I think it’s natural for you to look around and feel the way that you do. But I wouldn’t want you to trade places with me or anyone else. Instead, my wish for you is to be pregnant and not feel this pain.

  2. honeywine said

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have had those thoughts myself, and more than once.

  3. Maricel said

    Thank you for the good thoughts. I’m kinda weepy today. I cried after reading your comments. I know it’s not the AF talking. Or maybe it is.

  4. expectingamiracle said

    There were days when the emotional pain of miscarriage was so bad that I wished for a brief time that I had never been pregnant. But those thoughts passed and I do believe you are right that it is worse to not have experienced it at all. I would not take it back (those joyful moments) even if it meant I did not have to have the pain of loss.

    It really hit home when it took us a long time to get pregnant with 2nd baby. The feeling of having it not happen over and over is so disheartening.

    I really do hope it happens for you soon. (hugs)

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