Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays everyone! Glad to read your posts/ blogs and I feel fortunate to meet you here at wordpress. God bless and cheers! happy-holidays-wreath

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Holiday Blues

I’m sick and tired…December is such a busy month!

I have cough and cold…maybe because of the stress that comes with organizing office parties (this task by the way is under my JD: other tasks that maybe assigned).

I’m on sick leave…mild asthma attack, maybe due to inhaling a lot of second-hand smoke during parties. I don’t normally use my inhaler but this time, it comes in handy.

I’m sad…AF spotting has started to show.

I’m hurt…because DP and I are not ok. We’re not talking at all. Even if he makes advances, I shoo him away.

I give up…maybe 10 years of being together is not enough to make this relationship work.

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Life Sucks

I’ve got 3 posts in my Draft folder and I can’t seem to finish them. Two pertain to my TTC journey and another post on my DP’s sister. To sum it up, can I just say life sucks?

About my 5 Things Update, I haven’t brought Scotch to his vet yet. I had massage a week ago. I started temping but I set it aside when I began using Clearblue Easy fertility monitor. It’s convenient to use but a lot expensive. Used one Pre-Seed in one of our baby dancing sessions. The result? Negative. AF showed yesterday afternoon.

This morning, DP and I had an argument. The usual. What’s the usual, you might ask. Well, it’s about his drinking habits, regular night out with his friends and who knows, bitchy women too. I’m hurting. Really. But I have to be strong. This cycle, no more TTC for me unless issues are ironed out. But at the rate things are going, I don’t think it will ever be.

Life really sucks.

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TTC Update

It’s CD2 for me today and I started using my BBT thermometer this morning. The direction said to place the thermometer under tongue. I got 97.6 F. I took it twice and with the same result. For those of you who are using digital thermometer, do you use it under your tongue too? Same time every morning? I hope I used it right.

BBT Charting is a result of my “5 Things in 30 Days” where I had a serious talk with DP yesterday. Not all issues were tackled though. But in the TTC arena, at least I know he still wants to have a baby. We have an agreement to push through with IUI, maybe next year, after the holidays. Christmas season is such a stressful month in the office, so I think it’s a good choice. No Clomid and Pregnyl for me yet. I’d rather take these meds after we visit our doctor next year. I don’t want to self-medicate (too costly!). As I am writing this, my left hand is busy opening the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor.

Yup, this cycle, it’s TTC the natural way.

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5 Things for 30 Days (Thanks Martha!)

Thank you Martha for this great idea to post in my blog 🙂 Martha is one of the few TTC women who patiently reads my blogs and sends e-mail to answer my comments on her own blog.

Here’s my own list of 5 Things for 30 Days:

1. A serious talk with DP regarding our TTC plans and our lives in general;
2. In case TTC is still in our plans, get on with it the natural way i.e. start taking BBT seriously; OPK and all other fertility gadgets are under our bed, waiting to be used;
3. Watch movie and documentary DVDs;
4. Bring Scotch (our dog) to his vet for some grooming and to buy his Pet Tabs;
5. Get a good massage.

Oh, I hope I can do all these things for a month.

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I flirted late!

I heard that my new sister-in-law (SIL) might be pregnant. My brother said she was supposed to have AF last October 15 but until now, no AF. They got married on September 26 and she was fertile then. Then my aunt told me she saw her looking like she gained weight. I’m not excited with the thought of her being pregnant. I’m not bitter. I just dont like her and her family. You see, after the civil wedding, her family, particularly her oldest sister (OL), said something nasty about me. And I found out about it a few days after my mother and brother left for LA. It has something to do with what I said in our first meeting.

Let me give you a little background of this OL of SIL. She turned out to be my batchmate in high school. She knows me from way before (but I don’t know her). She belonged in the lower section and I belonged to the highest section. Anywayze, she volunteered some info about her, that she’s maried with 3 kids etc etc. Then she asked me if I’m already married. I said no but my partner and I have been living together for a while now. “Do you have kids?” she asked. I said none yet. “Oh why?” I said with a chuckle, “Because I flirted late.” Which is so true. I mean, put in a proper context, had I flirted early in my life, then maybe I won’t have fertility issues at this time. Maybe I’ve got 2-3 kids of my own now. And most especially, maybe age won’t be a factor. You see, this is my standard answer when people ask me why I still don’t have kids. “Late ako lumandi” or translated in English, “I flirted late!” is also meant as a joke of sort and said in gayspeak/ gay lingo manner. Apparently, she didn’t like my answer.

On the eve of my brother’s departure, he went to the residence of his new wife for a last meeting with his new in-laws. It was during this meeting that OL talked to my brother about this “I flirted late” thing. I’m really in the dark as to why she was sensitive about it. My brother just told her that I work in a tv network and very familiar in using showbiz lingo/ gay lingo. Was I so pissed off when I found out about this! The nerve of SIL’s family! I know she wouldn’t marry my brother had he not been a US citizen in the first place (oh yes, let’s not be hypocrite about the whole thing). And when my brother got home to marry SIL, it was only his first time to meet her and her family! Who are they to judge me or my family? My brother and I have been a family since birth so they should not act as if they are already close and can say whatever it is that they want to say. My brother only married SIL. If things don’t work out, he can divorce her anytime. Don’t they know that blood is thicker than water? Am I so bitchy? Well, I am when I’m pissed off. Grr!

My brother just asked us to be broadminded about it, we’re the educated ones, we should let it pass and forget about all other issues involving his new wife. Oh yes, even during the wedding, there were issues at hand. Sometimes, I wish my brother didn’t marry at all. Let alone marry SIL. Good thing I’m in Manila, she’s in the province. I don’t have to see her frequently, even her family. And I don’t think I would even greet anyone of her family when I see them. Where’s the crown of Ms. Congeniality here? I need one…

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Bad Blogger

Add me to the list of bad bloggers. I’ve neglected my site; I haven’t read all your posts. I apologize. I know I need to do some making up. Problem is, tomorrow, I’ll be leaving for another Union CBA seminar, 3 days, out-of-town. So after a month of assisting my sister, brother and mother for their much-needed vacation, still, I can’t go back to my usual blogging. And once I get back from the seminar, I have to attend to my job. Aargh! So many things to do with so little time!

Homefront, well, there’s still War of the Roses for me and my partner. I don’t think TTC will be in our list of  priorities right now. First off, his mother had undergone colon surgery and still recuperating in the hospital. Insurance has maxed out and expenses have ballooned to a little over half a million pesos. I would’ve wanted to visit our doctor this month for another round of artificial insemination but heck, I don’t think my partner would be supportive of the idea. I don’t think he will support me financially since his mother needs money for the hospital expenses and medicines. Although I have all the gadgets I need for natural conception (basal thermometer, fertility monitor, Pre-Seed etc), I’m not excited to use them. Since AF stopped, my partner and I have only been baby dancing twice. Sad huh?

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