Posts Tagged pregnant

I flirted late!

I heard that my new sister-in-law (SIL) might be pregnant. My brother said she was supposed to have AF last October 15 but until now, no AF. They got married on September 26 and she was fertile then. Then my aunt told me she saw her looking like she gained weight. I’m not excited with the thought of her being pregnant. I’m not bitter. I just dont like her and her family. You see, after the civil wedding, her family, particularly her oldest sister (OL), said something nasty about me. And I found out about it a few days after my mother and brother left for LA. It has something to do with what I said in our first meeting.

Let me give you a little background of this OL of SIL. She turned out to be my batchmate in high school. She knows me from way before (but I don’t know her). She belonged in the lower section and I belonged to the highest section. Anywayze, she volunteered some info about her, that she’s maried with 3 kids etc etc. Then she asked me if I’m already married. I said no but my partner and I have been living together for a while now. “Do you have kids?” she asked. I said none yet. “Oh why?” I said with a chuckle, “Because I flirted late.” Which is so true. I mean, put in a proper context, had I flirted early in my life, then maybe I won’t have fertility issues at this time. Maybe I’ve got 2-3 kids of my own now. And most especially, maybe age won’t be a factor. You see, this is my standard answer when people ask me why I still don’t have kids. “Late ako lumandi” or translated in English, “I flirted late!” is also meant as a joke of sort and said in gayspeak/ gay lingo manner. Apparently, she didn’t like my answer.

On the eve of my brother’s departure, he went to the residence of his new wife for a last meeting with his new in-laws. It was during this meeting that OL talked to my brother about this “I flirted late” thing. I’m really in the dark as to why she was sensitive about it. My brother just told her that I work in a tv network and very familiar in using showbiz lingo/ gay lingo. Was I so pissed off when I found out about this! The nerve of SIL’s family! I know she wouldn’t marry my brother had he not been a US citizen in the first place (oh yes, let’s not be hypocrite about the whole thing). And when my brother got home to marry SIL, it was only his first time to meet her and her family! Who are they to judge me or my family? My brother and I have been a family since birth so they should not act as if they are already close and can say whatever it is that they want to say. My brother only married SIL. If things don’t work out, he can divorce her anytime. Don’t they know that blood is thicker than water? Am I so bitchy? Well, I am when I’m pissed off. Grr!

My brother just asked us to be broadminded about it, we’re the educated ones, we should let it pass and forget about all other issues involving his new wife. Oh yes, even during the wedding, there were issues at hand. Sometimes, I wish my brother didn’t marry at all. Let alone marry SIL. Good thing I’m in Manila, she’s in the province. I don’t have to see her frequently, even her family. And I don’t think I would even greet anyone of her family when I see them. Where’s the crown of Ms. Congeniality here? I need one…

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Conception & Marriage

What the f**k is the relationship between conception and marriage? I ask this because of the comment below:

Vidkun Quisling
vidkunquisling@gmail.com | 203.131.112.122

It’s probably because you are NOT married!

From I Want to be a Mom, 2008/09/06 at 7:28 PM

Damn! This is one comment from an unknown blogger which I got just now. So s/he really thought the reason I couldn’t conceive was because I’m not married? How insensitive and shallow of this creature.

Just so you know, marriage isn’t far from my mind. I’m already 36, for God’s sake! In fact, dear partner and I would’ve been married last August 8 if it weren’t for my older brother’s request. He wanted to get married this year, the reason why he and the rest of my family are coming home from LA and Montreal this month.  You see, we have this superstitious belief about a wedding curse. Two siblings should not get married within the same year or else, both will suffer horrible things. I don’t know how it started but it has been the belief of the oldies. Thinking that I have nothing to lose by conforming, I yield in. But not without some resistance mind you. It got to the point that my brother and I had a heated exchange over the phone because I refused not to get married this year.

If marriage is really the answer to my getting pregnant, then why are there married couples who have a hard time conceiving? No offense to my fellow TTCers. But you get my point? Oh! I’m just so pissed off. F**k this creature!

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I’m Not Pregnant…Who Am I Kidding?

Just myself. Days before my menstrual period, I know that the IUI failed. All I got were AF symptoms. Nothing more, nothing less.

Do you know how difficult it is to think otherwise? I know that deep inside, I’m not pregnant but the other part of me wanted to think that I’m still in the running because AF has not yet come in.

Until yesterday. The last ounce of hope was gone.

It’s time to take a break. No more TTC for me…at least not for this cycle. And the next cycle…maybe. Ahh…I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what to think anymore.

Tears are beginning to fall again…This is crazy. I’m just kidding myself.

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