In 17 days, I’ll be 37 years old. Yes, the clock is ticking. I wonder when I will get pregnant. Assisted reproductive technology is out of the question. Even natural conception. I mean, we just babydance whenever we feel like it. And most of the time, we BD when I’m not fertile. Some kind of baby dancing huh?
Archive for TTC
TTC: Just not into it
Would you believe I don’t know what OPK stands for anymore? I’ve been reading TTC blogs this morning and all of a sudden, I found myself thinking so hard about its meaning. That’s a sign I haven’t been “crazy” about TTC I think. You might say it’s so easy to browse it in the net. Well, I thought so too, but I just didn’t want to. I’m just not into it…for now. The least I can do is just to be there, read the blogs of my fellow hopeful wannabe mommies and immerse myself with their journey and wish baby dusts to come along (my) their way.
TTC Update
It’s CD2 for me today and I started using my BBT thermometer this morning. The direction said to place the thermometer under tongue. I got 97.6 F. I took it twice and with the same result. For those of you who are using digital thermometer, do you use it under your tongue too? Same time every morning? I hope I used it right.
BBT Charting is a result of my “5 Things in 30 Days” where I had a serious talk with DP yesterday. Not all issues were tackled though. But in the TTC arena, at least I know he still wants to have a baby. We have an agreement to push through with IUI, maybe next year, after the holidays. Christmas season is such a stressful month in the office, so I think it’s a good choice. No Clomid and Pregnyl for me yet. I’d rather take these meds after we visit our doctor next year. I don’t want to self-medicate (too costly!). As I am writing this, my left hand is busy opening the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor.
Yup, this cycle, it’s TTC the natural way.
5 Things for 30 Days (Thanks Martha!)
Thank you Martha for this great idea to post in my blog 🙂 Martha is one of the few TTC women who patiently reads my blogs and sends e-mail to answer my comments on her own blog.
Here’s my own list of 5 Things for 30 Days:
1. A serious talk with DP regarding our TTC plans and our lives in general;
2. In case TTC is still in our plans, get on with it the natural way i.e. start taking BBT seriously; OPK and all other fertility gadgets are under our bed, waiting to be used;
3. Watch movie and documentary DVDs;
4. Bring Scotch (our dog) to his vet for some grooming and to buy his Pet Tabs;
5. Get a good massage.
Oh, I hope I can do all these things for a month.
I flirted late!
I heard that my new sister-in-law (SIL) might be pregnant. My brother said she was supposed to have AF last October 15 but until now, no AF. They got married on September 26 and she was fertile then. Then my aunt told me she saw her looking like she gained weight. I’m not excited with the thought of her being pregnant. I’m not bitter. I just dont like her and her family. You see, after the civil wedding, her family, particularly her oldest sister (OL), said something nasty about me. And I found out about it a few days after my mother and brother left for LA. It has something to do with what I said in our first meeting.
Let me give you a little background of this OL of SIL. She turned out to be my batchmate in high school. She knows me from way before (but I don’t know her). She belonged in the lower section and I belonged to the highest section. Anywayze, she volunteered some info about her, that she’s maried with 3 kids etc etc. Then she asked me if I’m already married. I said no but my partner and I have been living together for a while now. “Do you have kids?” she asked. I said none yet. “Oh why?” I said with a chuckle, “Because I flirted late.” Which is so true. I mean, put in a proper context, had I flirted early in my life, then maybe I won’t have fertility issues at this time. Maybe I’ve got 2-3 kids of my own now. And most especially, maybe age won’t be a factor. You see, this is my standard answer when people ask me why I still don’t have kids. “Late ako lumandi” or translated in English, “I flirted late!” is also meant as a joke of sort and said in gayspeak/ gay lingo manner. Apparently, she didn’t like my answer.
On the eve of my brother’s departure, he went to the residence of his new wife for a last meeting with his new in-laws. It was during this meeting that OL talked to my brother about this “I flirted late” thing. I’m really in the dark as to why she was sensitive about it. My brother just told her that I work in a tv network and very familiar in using showbiz lingo/ gay lingo. Was I so pissed off when I found out about this! The nerve of SIL’s family! I know she wouldn’t marry my brother had he not been a US citizen in the first place (oh yes, let’s not be hypocrite about the whole thing). And when my brother got home to marry SIL, it was only his first time to meet her and her family! Who are they to judge me or my family? My brother and I have been a family since birth so they should not act as if they are already close and can say whatever it is that they want to say. My brother only married SIL. If things don’t work out, he can divorce her anytime. Don’t they know that blood is thicker than water? Am I so bitchy? Well, I am when I’m pissed off. Grr!
My brother just asked us to be broadminded about it, we’re the educated ones, we should let it pass and forget about all other issues involving his new wife. Oh yes, even during the wedding, there were issues at hand. Sometimes, I wish my brother didn’t marry at all. Let alone marry SIL. Good thing I’m in Manila, she’s in the province. I don’t have to see her frequently, even her family. And I don’t think I would even greet anyone of her family when I see them. Where’s the crown of Ms. Congeniality here? I need one…
Bad Blogger
Add me to the list of bad bloggers. I’ve neglected my site; I haven’t read all your posts. I apologize. I know I need to do some making up. Problem is, tomorrow, I’ll be leaving for another Union CBA seminar, 3 days, out-of-town. So after a month of assisting my sister, brother and mother for their much-needed vacation, still, I can’t go back to my usual blogging. And once I get back from the seminar, I have to attend to my job. Aargh! So many things to do with so little time!
Homefront, well, there’s still War of the Roses for me and my partner. I don’t think TTC will be in our list of priorities right now. First off, his mother had undergone colon surgery and still recuperating in the hospital. Insurance has maxed out and expenses have ballooned to a little over half a million pesos. I would’ve wanted to visit our doctor this month for another round of artificial insemination but heck, I don’t think my partner would be supportive of the idea. I don’t think he will support me financially since his mother needs money for the hospital expenses and medicines. Although I have all the gadgets I need for natural conception (basal thermometer, fertility monitor, Pre-Seed etc), I’m not excited to use them. Since AF stopped, my partner and I have only been baby dancing twice. Sad huh?
Out of the Game
I’m out of the game…again. Since my family is home for a vacation, I get to spend most of the time in the province (where they stay). So many things to do with so little time. Every minute counts and I’m overly stressed. No baby dancing for me and dear partner (DP) either (he’s not on leave). My fertile days had passed and when I finally saw DP last night, we had an argument. Worst, he called on his whole family to the rescue-he called his mother and his older brother; his younger sister called me on my cellphone while his older sister went to our house to fetch DP. This is the bad side of having a close-knit family. Even if it’s DP’s fault, they would definitely take sides, not mine of course. My feeling is like DP is the woman and I’m the man of the house. Hello?! I’m the woman here, for God’s sake. But I face our problem without calling my family. I don’t know where he spent the night. But one thing I’m sure of, he’s drunk right now. That’s how he faces his problem, by drowning himself in alcohol. Surprisingly, his sperm count is not affected at all. The 2 times he had sperm analysis, everything was normal. Though there were defective sperms, the motility and count was good and I was injected with the best sperm in the last IUIs. This I was assured by my doctor.  This morning, his mother called a few times but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. Good thing we have caller ID. I knew it was her calling. Ahh…wish me luck.
Conception & Marriage
What the f**k is the relationship between conception and marriage? I ask this because of the comment below:
Vidkun Quisling
vidkunquisling@gmail.com | 203.131.112.122
It’s probably because you are NOT married!
From I Want to be a Mom, 2008/09/06 at 7:28 PM
Damn! This is one comment from an unknown blogger which I got just now. So s/he really thought the reason I couldn’t conceive was because I’m not married? How insensitive and shallow of this creature.
Just so you know, marriage isn’t far from my mind. I’m already 36, for God’s sake! In fact, dear partner and I would’ve been married last August 8 if it weren’t for my older brother’s request. He wanted to get married this year, the reason why he and the rest of my family are coming home from LA and Montreal this month. You see, we have this superstitious belief about a wedding curse. Two siblings should not get married within the same year or else, both will suffer horrible things. I don’t know how it started but it has been the belief of the oldies. Thinking that I have nothing to lose by conforming, I yield in. But not without some resistance mind you. It got to the point that my brother and I had a heated exchange over the phone because I refused not to get married this year.
If marriage is really the answer to my getting pregnant, then why are there married couples who have a hard time conceiving? No offense to my fellow TTCers. But you get my point? Oh! I’m just so pissed off. F**k this creature!
Trading Places
I had mixed feelings as I was reading the blogs of other mommy wannabes…specifically those who lost their babies along the way, either through miscarriage, unintentional abortion or induced delivery. I asked myself if I would have wanted to trade places. At times, I wanted to. I envy them because they got pregnant! My thinking is, they’re not infertile at all. While me, I’ve never been pregnant my whole life and I don’t even know the feeling. I want to know how it feels to be pregnant. But one thing I’m sure of, knowing that my infertility could not be explained sucks the most.
Here Comes AF
She did arrive, last night. 2 days later. I was expecting her on the 31st of August but she didn’t show up. Oh yes, I still hoped I could be pregnant but I know I’m not. Dear partner joked about it too. “You might be pregnant!” Yeah right. When I was still taking Clomid, AF usually arrives on CD 28. Without Clomid, CD 30. Funny how Clomid affects our cycle.
My TTC Journey 